Chapter Text
Tomioka Giyuu was a icy, self-centered, and arrogant man. At least that's what the other Hashira believed according to Giyuu’s own mind. But they were wrong, so wrong. He was anything but that, in fact deep down he was just a weak undeserving boy.
That was according to Giyuu though. In reality he was a troubled, lonely, and kind man who was strong. Over the years his self-esteem became buried under layers of sorrow and guilt caused by the deaths of his dear friend and sister.
It was deserved though; their deaths were his fault. It always should have been him. He never should have become a Hashira, he never should have made it past 11, and he never should have made it past final selection.
Tsutako would have been married; Tsutako should have been.
Sabito would have been the Water Hashira; Sabito should have been.
Giyuu wished he could be strong like the Hashira, he wanted to be their dear friend. They were right in front of him, but just out of his reach. He watched as Kocho would walk up to him trying to strike up a conversation, but he would just stare back dumbly as he felt the words desperate to come out of his throat get stuck and fall back hopelessly.
Shinazugawa would hurl insults and angry words at Giyuu saying things like ‘What you think you’re to good to talk to us?!’ or ‘Get your ugly rat face away from me you freak!’
It hurt deep down, yet still he could never muster up a response, taking the pain and feeling them cut into his heart. His words were like a sharp knife to Giyuu yet he welcomed it with open arms and never stopped it from cutting him.
His life was an on going cycle of hatred for himself, mixed with despair and pity. He wishes he could be cut up by a dagger dipped in poison, and left to bleed out in agony.
He was done, he just wanted everything to end. Giyuu knew his life would always be worthless and that nobody would ever care for him. He didn’t want them to care for him and he didn’t need their pity, he had already seen what happened to the others.
Giyuu’s Kasugai crow, Kanzaburo landed on his shoulder sloppily due to his old age, snapping Giyuu out of his thoughts.
“KAW KAW HASHIRA MEETING TOMORROW AT 8:00 A.M!” “HASHIRA MEETING TOMORROW AT 8:00 AM!” He loudly squawked into Giyuu’s ear.
Giyuu picked the crow up gently with much affection and grace. He nodded at the bird to let him know it was understood while reaching into his pocket looking for sunflower seeds to give to the elderly crow.
He let the bird eat them out of his hand as he smiled to himself looking at the sight. Kanzaburo was probably the dearest thing to him in his life. He was his only true friend, the crow held much devotion and love for his owner, Giyuu. Unlike any of his comrades he cared deeply for the man, and Giyuu always made sure that the crow knew he cared just as much for him.
It was getting late, and he had to be up early tomorrow if he wanted to make it to the meeting on time, so Giyuu decide to go in and head to bed. He walked past the kitchen ignoring it despite the fact he had not eaten lunch or dinner.
Did someone who took away two kind and caring people's lives really deserve to enjoy such things? The answer was no, and it would always be no. So he shoved his growling stomach to the back of his mind and pulled the covers of his futon over his head, hoping to get some peaceful sleep without the haunting images of his sister and friend.
But when did anything go right for Giyuu? The world was never kind to him and as he finally slipped into unconsciousness he began to hear a voice. Everything was blurry but the voice was familiar. He knew who it was despite the fact that it lacked its usual warmth he remembered.
He started to take in his surroundings before he looked to see who he was standing face to face with. He knew the answer, but he tried to act oblivious anyways.
Sabito.
“Why did you kill me Giyuu?” He started “Is it because you’re worthless compared to me?” Sabito finished
The words hurt Giyuu more than any weapon could.
His vision began to blur with tears as he tried to yell back that he wishes it was never Sabito who died that selection, but him. It was now 1:00 AM, Tuesday, April 7th next week would mark 8 years since Giyuu said a word. He knew nothing would come out now dream or not. Yet, he still tried his hardest, his self hatred growing as he failed to speak. ‘Sabito’ smirked at this and let out a hearty laugh.
He reached out for Sabito, watching as he glared at him while beginning to turn his back away from Giyuu.
Giyuu awoke with a shock his brow dripping with sweat as he sat up. He grabbed his precious haori and clutched it to his chest before he looked at the clock on his wall.
The time read 6:56, if he got up and got ready now, he would be able to make it to the Ubuyashiki estate on time. It would never be that easy for him though. He wanted to curl in on himself and let him rot away.
He felt like getting sick after his dream. Giyuu knew it was just a nightmare like always but ‘Sabitos’ words greatly affected him and he felt like crying. He stared at the ceiling as sticky hot liquid began to pour down his face. He shut his eyes letting the tears fall freely.
Why him? Why did his family and friends have to die? Why couldn’t he speak? He truly hated himself, and he knew that the other Hashira did too, so why couldn’t his life end right there right now?
After 30 minutes of just lying there and crying like a weak baby Giyuu had a thought. He would decide if he should kill himself or not depending on the Hashira meeting today. Since there were 8 Hashira not including him, if 3 or more Hashira said anything rude, snarky, mean, or taunting to him today, he would do it.
He set the bar low already knowing that every Hashira meeting more than 3 says something to him. He just needed an excuse he hates them all anyway.
He stood up after he had come to his decision, putting his uniform on and sliding his haori on over top. He grabbed his sword from its stand and began his journey to the estate.
He knew he was going to be late as usual, but to him it didn’t even matter anymore. He was just an empty shell of the boy he used to be, a dead man walking. On his walk he thought about his plan, if he did go through with it who would the Water Hashira be? Maybe Tanjiro. He was only a 15-year-old child, but he was strong and talented, he would probably be better than Giyuu could ever be.
His thoughts were interrupted as he arrived at the estate with all of the Hashiras eyes turning to him.
“My, my Tomioka, we’d thought you’d never show” Kocho said with a sneer and a fake smile on her face. Giyuu breathed in as the number 1 appeared on the scoreboard in his head.
Shinazugawa scoffed as Giyuu turned from Shinobu without saying a word.
He became angry at the sight, who does he think he is? He disrespected the master by showing up late and ignoring anyone who spoke to him. His superiority complex was seriously starting to annoy him.
“Just who do you think you are?!” Sanemi shouted before he began again, “First you disrespect the master by showing up late, then you ignore us all?! Get over yourself you selfish rat!”
Giyuu began to sweat as he turned to bow to the master while his mind counted the number 2. Sanemi always scared him, his words were always less harsh than Iguros, yet they still hurt the same.
Master Ubuyashiki decided to start the meeting as he knew about Giyuu’s mutism, and he could sense his discomfort in the air. The meeting was your average pillar meeting, they discussed the situation with Muzan and his minions, and it eventually came to an end.
Giyuu immediately turned to leave before a hand grabbed him by the collar of his uniform. It was Iguro Obanai, the Serpent Hashira. Giyuu knew he hated him, Iguro was never afraid to voice it. Giyuu felt a wave of anxiety flush over him, he was never good with people, and he feared Obanai and his harsh words towards him.
“Why do you think you get to act like your better than the rest of us?” he hissed, “You should just take your ugly face and never show it again, it would be a favor to all of us.” He sneered
It was like the game had just been won as the scoreboard flashed to the number 3.
He looked into Iguros eyes with hurt flashing in his own. He let Giyuu go while he whispered to Sanemi, “Pathetic.”
Shinobu giggled a little as Giyuu looked around, before he could start to leave again, Uzui joined in. “I wouldn’t go as far as Iguro, but seriously dude, your behavior is unflashy...” He coughed out. Giyuu didn’t care for what he had to say next. His mind blocked out Uzui’s next words as the gears in his head began to turn. 4 Hashira, he was now overqualified.
Giyuu’s ears began to ring, and he suddenly felt the urge to run. Ignoring Uzui he turned on his heel and began to run away from the others. His plan starting to go into action.
Mitsuri watched the scene unfold as she turned herself away from her conversation with Rengoku. She watched Giyuu run away and felt a sense of sorrow for him. “Don’t you guys think you were a little rough on him?” She questioned sadly as she felt empathy and pity overwhelm her.
“Mitsuri, he’s just an arrogant man, I’m sure he’ll live.” Shinobu reassured.
Mitsuri decided to let it go and listen to Shinobu’s words. She turned back around to Rengoku and got back to conversation quickly, just as everyone else had.
Without anyone realizing it, they had done what was soon to become irreversible damage to the troubled man and nobody would realize until it was too late.
Giyuu knew it was over as he reached his estate, and he pulled out a paper and a pen. He began to write letters to the Hashira, The Master, His trainer, and Tanjiro.
He decided it would be best to give his sword hilt to Tanjiro, and his haori to Urokodaki. After all, he was the only one who knew the significance of it anyway. He began to write the Hashiras letter,
If you are one of the 8 Hashira reading this right now, I, Tomioka Giyuu am writing this letter to inform you all of my death. I have been nothing but a burden to you and the Master. I have struggled to speak since I was born, and I feel bad that I could never talk to you all because of my weakness. I never deserved to be the Water Hashira and I hope my suicide lets you all continue life with the world being a better place without me. I thank you all for putting up with me for this long. Even though I know you all hate me, I was hoping one of you might be able to take care of my crow Kanzaburo, he is a good bird, but he is elderly and needs extra care. He deserves the best, and the best is not me, I’m really sorry for shoving this on all of you.
Much appreciation, Tomioka Giyuu
It was blunt and short, but he knew it would do the trick, He pulled his haori off and placed the stack of letters on top of it.
His hand was shaking, and tears were beginning to form in his eyes, a few dripped onto the letters. He slowly walked over to his sword and shakily picked it up, gripping the hilt in his palm as he walked to his bedroom.
